Discussion: Romance isn’t dead

Recently I read a post by Author Libby Cole called Romance isn’t dead and it made me think. Beware of TMI (well, a little).


There is something in romance novels I really miss. Of course the grant gestures of love are nice and romantic. But… what do I ‘get’ from for example flowers? I’m not saying that I don’t like getting flowers, I actually have a plastic rose on my windowsill, which my girlfriend shot at a carnival and I love it to pieces (one could argue I get more from a plastic rose because it doesn’t wither…).

But it’s the small things I find really romantic. Like things I mentioned in passing and she remembers? Or the “it made me thing of you” presents. I’m in a long-distance relationship so there is no clean flat waiting for me after a long day (in this case I feel be very guilty, because driving for hours to clean up after me? Yeah, I may be chronically ill but still…no).

And all those things aren’t really in romance novels, are they? No buying your partner fluffy socks because their feet are always cold (guess who was gifted with lots of fluffy socks?). Instead of you get a proposal in front af dozens of strangers (which I, myself, do not find romantic and rather manipulative if there was no talk about it before. But I’m not gonna get into that issue now).

Are there many romance novels which deal with the after-we-have-become-an-item? Most are about the journey, aren’t they? No everyday life for them. Really sad, if you ask me.There is romance in everyday life. There is romance between people, who have been in love for decades. I don’t know where, but somewhere (on Tumblr maybe?) I saw a post about a husband painting his wife’s toenails because she couldn’t get low enough anymore to do that herself. I really find that romantic. Caring for your partner, you know? Knowing the things that are important for them and respecting them instead if making fun of them.

I’m a sucker for the pretending-we’re-a-pair-in-front-of-my-family-trope, because it usually combines both. Falling in love but making sure other people believe you really know and care for each other. So you gotta know what makes them tick, you make them coffee exactly the way they like it without having to ask. Or tea because you know they don’t like coffee.

What do you think? Is romance in romance novels dead? Is it realistic?

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4 replies

  1. I saw a thread (on Reddit I think) recently, which talked about how romance novels give men and women false ideas about romance. Because they make women want these grand gestures, but not the realistic things. And a lot of men just don’t comprehend “romance” the way the romance novels portray it, so they end up being frustrated or forced to do things they don’t want to do. I love romance novels, but they’re a fantasy for me, and I can separate them from REAL relationships. I don’t think a lot of people can, though.

    I do love reading books where the characters KNOW each other. Especially series, where the initial lust is over with, and the characters are settling down into life. You usually don’t see that in one-off books, because the author only has 250 pages to tell a complete relationship.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Whoever wrote that thread may be onto something! I know people who expect love to be like in the books. So the boyfriend has to know everything about them, without them telling it and everything always is peachy or if it isn’t, it is solved without any problems. Just… no.
      Fantasies are really great and if you can have something similiar in real life, even greater.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I kinda think romance is dead in romance novels. You’re right I’ve never read a story that wasn’t about “how they fell in love” or it tells the story of how they fell in love, how they’re happy now, and then it ends tragically. I never noticed that until now. I also am not a fan of big gestures but the little things. Like someone gave me a mini candy bar out of the blue and it made my day. 🙂 Things like that can go a long way

    Liked by 1 person

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